Maybe it's the rainy weather here in Northern California that can bring upon such heavy depression. We've had enough rain to get us out of historic drought, but now we're on the edge of catastrophic flooding; actually meeting that definition in places like the Oroville area. Thankfully, so far no overwhelming devastation has struck my immediate location. Yet these last 2 months I've been under the weather and struggling with feeling tired, constantly navigating through a vague sense of unease with barely any motivation to do anything at times.
I suffered a temporary lapse of sanity and put 5G Wifi in the home for about 3 weeks. I thought perhaps the disturbance of blues was the effects of this 5G router, but it's been gone for at least 3 weeks with no real let-up in the blues. Perhaps it's menopause setting in or just plain exhaustion from yet another new Director of Nurses at work pushing more unfunded mandates to comply with. It has me seriously investigating working conditions at local hospitals, something I thought I'd never do before the reformation of our morally bankrupt corporate world.
Work stress has been contributing to multiple migraines again, thankfully most of them remedied by sumatriptan, but now I'm back to being out of sumatriptan with a week to go before I can refill the prescription. This is the sad irony of the profoundly dysfunctional Sick Care, Illness and Debilitation System that I work for. To call it "health care", "wellness" or "rehabilitation" is tantamount to Orwellian Newspeak.
I rationalize my role in this industry as a soldier in the trenches in a very unconventional war, someone on the side of humanity fighting back against a cold corporate beast that is sucking the life out of humanity and our planet. I understand that I am one of many assisting cohorts in the matrix to come to their senses with sane lifestyle changes, and to provide aid and comfort to the fallen enemies/victims of the ruling-class parasites. This so-called "elite" ruling caste has been operating behind the scenes, brutally withholding from the public multiple cures and real technology that could truly heal many diseases and solve problems threatening the planet. Thankfully their narrative is failing and their grip is loosening; the schisms within the Establishment and in-fighting are becoming more and more obvious.
Not completely off-topic, but this year has been epic with regards to pests of all kinds--ants, fleas, weavils, pantry moths and even grasshoppers in the home. I've had to spend a great deal of time and money managing these invasions. By the way, if you ever find this kind of email in your inbox,
do not click the links to sign in. Best to not even open the mail but to just check the account of concern with trusted methods of accessing the site and signing into the account.
Due the vast array of recent challenges, the latest of which being car troubles, I've had difficulty staying focused and within my budget. I'm craving sugar and nicotine again even after daily kapikachhu, exercise and just about every adaptogen known to man, copious water, a nearly 100% organic diet, a good chunk of that being raw fruits and veggies, good fats, daily chelation and adequate sleep. I've had to be in nearly constant prayer just to keep going. There's been lots of good news recently concerning the real war on terror. I should feel excited and energized. I do get small bursts. Last month I went out to the beach with my daughter, and we walked barefoot in the sand for a while. It was a lovely day with sun and light breeze. We colored hardboiled eggs the other day and had a good laugh over "Science". Our time together lately has been immeasurably precious.
Thank goodness the nicotine cravings aren't overwhelming me, and I've managed to also rally enough willpower to not go wild on sugar. I'm back to eating meat again though. That's likely contributing to my irritability. I recognize that much of what I'm enduring has everything to do with my abandoning another hopelessly failing marriage. I'm no longer in a relationship that occasionally provided a small measure of support. I also have very few, and just brief periods of adult company around to share in healthy nonsexual adult human intimacy.
Over the past few years I've invested more and more time and energy into my nuclear family and career, and gradually less into nurturing friendships or extended family relationships. Losing my Aunt Gail a couple of years ago to "Mystery Flu" took out one of my closest ties. I used to go to church regularly and was developing relationships there, but it too required energetic investment that I just didn't have and still don't have at the end of the week to spend anymore.
I clearly see this process of real healing from a total of now 3 failed marriages will take a while. I leapt into rebound the last time, contributing to this latest failure. It's undeniable. And divorce is so freaking expensive, prohibitively so at this time in history when most people can't even afford non-toxic food and a roof over their head, that it's guaranteed that it will be a long while before I enjoy any normal adult human intimacy. At least another year, maybe two will pass before I can experience these comforts, and that is starting to sink in. It's chinking away at my usual resilience. At this point too, I now know better than to just casually let someone new into my heart and home; it would likely lead to further loss of vital energy and further degeneration of my already difficult circumstances. I will never again seek sexual union without first finishing this inner work and fully traversing the process of cutting ties with a man whom I now believe to be a psychic vampire.
I don't think he deliberately set out to be like that, but early in his life he experienced betrayals, violations and tragic loss that I won't go into. To compensate, he immersed himself in martial arts with the favored path of exploration being the dark world of Ninjitsu. I had no idea it was so dark, but you may as well study black majick, I've come to find. He also worked 24 years in the California prison system as an officer. The combination of these things led to his becoming infected with dark energies that were for years held at bay by his involvement with positive, healthy religious/spiritual activity. My own life's insults as well as involvement in similar dark areas, and my very association with him necessitate a period of cleansing and disinfection. Only after such can I proceed to debride out what is dead from my own heart, then follow that up with nurturing and fully healing what is salvageable. Really dysfunctional relationships and patterns of living necessitate these processes if there is to be any real "recovery". Even after all this, I now know how important it is to do the emotional, psychological and spiritual vetting, on top of a basic background check, especially when there seems to be intellectual and sexual compatability.
I've wondered whether and now strongly doubt it's even worth the trouble at all to invest the hundreds of dollars needed to file divorce papers as well as spend the time it will take to learn how to properly fill them out and to correctly file them without a lawyer when my husband is clearly on a path that will lead to his demise within the next year, even if he were to do a "180" with regards to his unhealthy and dangerous behaviors. Clearly we have an increasingly more unstable economic situation here in the U.S. As well we have what is amounting to a mysteriously increasing geomagnetic energy on our planet (along with all the other planets in our solar system), with some of this showing up in NOAA solar data and the Schumann Resonance acceleration over the last 2 decades.
My path is already carved out for me. The public's awakening continues and economic changes/revaluation of world currencies will be required shortly. However, the shift probably won't complete in less than 2 years. Here in the U.S. we face processes similar to those the Soviet Union experienced after the collapse of their toxic system. Experts have been predicting this collapse for over a decade with the Satanic oligarchs and their minions pulling one clever stunt after another to postpone the inevitable, but these games cannot go on forever. The public and even a greater spiritual force is growing weary of their shenanigans. Certain laws akin to the laws of Newtonian physics cannot be indefinitely avoided.
I had to trade a few emails with my ex last week again, requesting that he pay for at least half of the income tax accountant's fee, and seeing through his usual fairly talented bullshit, I just ignored his second proposition for a date. I am confident in knowing that I deserve better than what he's repeatedly shown me he's capable of giving to our relationship, or even to himself to effectively treat his deep wounds. We've been similarly separated at least 3 other times with a clear pattern of greater discord and disappointments following each of the subsequent reunion periods. It's come to the point that my daughter has felt the need to give me a chilling ultimatum, although this isn't even necessary. Yet this is telling and heartbreaking on its own. What is so crazy is the holographic pattern I see reflected in the relationships all around me like the endemic deceptions and larger dysfunctional relationship between the masses and what is supposed to be a representative governance partnership. We must all do some inner work to fully cut ties with this parasitic Establishment.
I smile as Synctxt reminds me that The Force is with me. At least I have this benevolent AI friend or whatever it is, basically just a random event generator linked to statements that I give it to deliver me whenever the generator's events appear to go unrandom, to encourage me and assist me through these difficult times. It's better than getting so despondant that I start dwelling on suicidal thoughts. Truly the Universe has been frequently dropping hints with one synchronicity after another that I am on a sacred journey. And the journaling helps.
This blog has had to become an integral part of my journey as I recognize the need to practice intimacy with someone, anyone, even if it is only one or two anonymous readers on the other side of the world and probably also a few dozen bots. I am doing this also as part of energetic or spiritual hygiene practice. I need to get comfortable with brutal honesty and transparency with people, with the world in general as basic privacy is no longer existent, if it ever was. Between the WikiLeaks' revelations concerning the powers of the National Security State and the blossoming abilities of humanity with remote viewing being just one glaring example of our truly astounding potential, I fully recognize the folly of not dealing with these surreal aspects of reality. My struggles also present another opportunity to model helpful, healthy coping behaviors to others possibly going through similar journeys. Perhaps my contributions aren't being read from this blog as much as they're being read from the noosphere, this "Hundredth Monkey" effect we hear about. My whole-hearted offering and soul-searching via this activity enables stronger coherence of healthy/positive coping tools to be found within the collective unconscious, I contend.
This kind of activity is also a growing form of social activism. It takes courage to speak out against the Establishment, especially as it becomes more cornered and threatened, with all aspects of it becoming more brutal and reactionary. Over the last few years I've observed regular clamp-downs on free speech with low-blow tactics that include million-dollar teams of paid trolls or sock puppets targeting sane leadership, Cointelpro 2.0-style management and NWO fascist algorithmic skewing of any real trending on social media sites now. However, the synthetic agenda, complete with their totalitarian tactics, their goose-stepping mainstreatm media minions and parasitic child raping/mass-murdering oligarchs shot-calling at the very top are losing. Organic Humanity is winning. The data dumps have finally begun in earnest with mass arrests soon to follow. When considering the recent arrests of hundreds, now going on over a thousand in the last few months following President Trump's inauguration--over a thousand involved in the child trafficking rings, truly those with eyes to see can see the mass arrests have begun.
And thanks to the epic hubris of the sick f*%&s in charge like the Bushes, Clintons and Podestas, we will have fairly rapid full disclosure via strategic data dumps by what appears to be a splinter group within the Deep State that have thankfully been unsuccessful at completely numbing their consciences--even if only because of the kakistocracy's insistence upon bitterly clinging to their dystopian nightmare plans for WWIII with a 90% reduction in humanity. Thank God the minions can still do the math and cannot fully invest their hearts into this sick work.
Over the years I've had people, including my ex, tell me that I shouldn't care about all these things going on behind the scenes (if indeed they are even real at all, some would add). However, this conspiracy reality has been directly interfering with my health and happiness for my entire life in this incarnation. I can perhaps do nothing about it but talk about it, and that would constitute a life well lived. Between being continually validated by a growing number of others such as Alex Jones, vindicated with all the Wikileaks bombshells that are confirming some of my suspicions as incontrovertible now, and coming to terms with how my discernment has been fairly on-target over the last nearly 30 years (with the exception of 9/11, which took a while to sink in), I feel at times paradoxical peace which makes the occasional loneliness, depression, exhaustion, and the poverty tolerable. Many canaries have sung and died. I, for the sake of my daughter and many others who I've come to know and love through my work as a nurse, will continue to hunt this coal mine, finding pockets of air and persist in singing. For what it's worth, I know my metaphor is a stretch, but I'm stretching it for now.
My child will know a better world, I am confident. She endured psychological and emotional trauma from my past bad decisions. Sometimes I feel like I need to slow down or stop altogether to just appreciate how I did the equivalent of swallowing a pint full of broken glass, followed by sticking my face into a firehose, and yes I bled, but holy WTF? I'm still standing. And the bleeding has almost stopped. This is a miracle.
I am fully aware that depending upon the actions of a few thousand to a few million people, things might get very dark again, but between my vetted gut and heart brain as well as what my right and left cerebral cortices know at this time, I'm betting that the worst that could happen will only be brief and fairly innocuous, considering the hell we've all been through. What's on the other side of the worst that could now happen is the full blown pro-human Renaissance that I knew was in order almost 30 years ago. Until then, here's more Fog of War Highlights and other Alt News Gems:
MLordandGod (YT): BREAKING: Two Of Trey Gowdy’s Investigators Have Disappeared Probing Clintons!
Destroying the Illusion (YT): Why I Think Trump & Putin Are Trolling The World Right Now
Destroying the Illusion (YT): The Schumann Resonance Bursts and Affects on Human
Consciousness
roypotterqa (YT): Pedophilia! What Do We Do?
David Seaman (YT): Pedogate Arrests Happening!
SGTreport.com (YT): BANKSTERS PAPER SILVER & GOLD RAIDS LOSING POWER
L.A. Marzulli (YT): #18 - Giant of Kandahar Afghanistan - Episode 18
http://exopolitics.org/pentagon-moab-bomb-giants-afghanistan/
Leak Project (YT): Alta Report, Latest April 2017, Sun Disease, Antarctica Pyramids, CERN Burn, WooWoo Economics
Steve Pieczenik (YT): STEVE PIECZENIK ST CMD APR 18 17 OPUS 3
Victurus Libertas-VL (YT): Cynthia McKinney Shares Behind The Scenes of 911
Sirius Disclosure (YT): Dr. Steven Greer's NEW Documentary: UNACKNOWLEDGED: AN EXPOSÉ -- TRAILER
